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1. Chuck Norris does not wear a condom. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.

2. Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

3. When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

4. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

5. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

6. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

7. When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

8. When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

9. There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

10. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

11. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

12. Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

13. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

14. There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

15. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

16. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

17. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

18. Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

19. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

20. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

21. Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

22. Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

23. Once, while having sex in a tractor-trailer, part of Chuck Norris' sperm escaped and got into the engine. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.

24. Chuck Norris can speak braille.

25. Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

26. Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

27. Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

28. Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

29. Chuck Norris secretly sleeps with every woman in the world once a month. They bleed for a week as a result.

30. Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

31. Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience

32. Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain

33. Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins

34. Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone

35. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

36. Chuck Norris can drown a fish

37. Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano

38. When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off

39. Chuck Norris once punched a man in the soul

40. Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet
 

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Here are a few more:

· Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
· There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
· Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
· Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
· There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
· Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
· Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
· Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
· Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile.
· Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
· Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
· Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
· When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.
 

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1)One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a huge erection. There were no survivors.

2)Chuck Norris traded his soul to the devil for unparalleled karate fighting abilities. He got his soul back when he then gave the devil a round-house kick to the face. They now regularly play poker on Tuesdays.
 

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I laughed through the whole thread..lol. Rep sent.
 

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Theres a BUNCH more but I don't think yall wanna read it all. Unless of course yall do, so all in favor of more chuck norris say AYE!
 

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I like this one about chucky.
Chuck noriss can drag both knees in a turn.
Yeah!...we should start something about Chuck and riding...

maybe like..

Chuck Norris does'nt use conter-steering, the bike just goes where he wants it to go.

Chuck Norris' bike does not need a steering damper, tanks slappers cannot arm wrestle him.

Chuck Norris can ride rubber side up without a scratch.
 
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