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A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, "I
clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir." The driver says, "Gee, officer
had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly
dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control." As the
officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at
his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
detector went off when it did." As the officer makes out the second
ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife
and says through clenched teeth, "Dammit, woman, can't you keep your
mouth shut?" The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not
wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine." The driver
says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when
you pulled me over so that I could get my license
out of my back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving." And
the police officer is writing out the third ticket, the driver turns to
his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??" The officer looks
over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this
way, Ma'am?"

I love this part....

"Only when he's been drinking."
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