Why Beer is Better Then Women
- You can enjoy beer all month long.
- Beer stains wash out.
- You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
- Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football.
- When your beer goes flat, you toss it out.
- Beer is never late.
- Hangovers go away.
- A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
- Beer labels come off without a fight.
- When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
- Beer never has a headache.
- After you've had a beer the bottle is still worth a dime.
- A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer on your breath.
- If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.
- You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
- A beer always goes down easy.
- You can share a beer with your friends.
- You always know when you're the first one to pop a beer.
- Beer is always wet.
- Beer doesn't demand equality.
- You can have a beer in public.
- A beer doesn't care when you come.
- A frigid beer is a good beer.
- You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
- If you change beers you don't have to pay alimony
Classes for Women 101
- General Education:
[*]GE101: Why the Toilet Seat Has Hinges
[*]GE102: Checkbook Balancing (formerly "Remedial Third Grade Arithmetic")
[*]GE103: How to Drive a Nail Without Breaking One
[*]GE104: How to Parallel Park
[*]GE105: Why Going to the Bathroom is Not a Group Activity
[*]GE106: Road Maps and Other Crutches for Spineless Wimps
[*]GE107: Why a Bad Sports Telecast is Better Than a Good Soap Opera
- HE101a: Over-Laundering - Why Clothing Wears Out Premature
- HE101b: Over-Vacuuming - Why Carpets Wear Out Prematurely
- HE101c: Over-Dusting - Why Furniture Wears Out Prematurely
- HE101d: Over-Washing - Why Dishes Wear Out Prematurely
- HE102: How to Avoid Spending Money You Don't Have (formerly "How to Cut Credit Cards in Half")
- HE103: Overcoming "The Imelda Syndrome" (formerly called "How Many Feet Do You Have, Anyway?")
- IR101: How to Say "No" With Kindness and Appreciation
- IR102: Why Men Enjoy Grocery Shopping About As Much As Women Enjoy Watching Roller Derby
- IR103: Submission - a Biblical Perspective (prereq: SE101a or b)
- IR104: Marriage - The Number One Cause of Divorce
- IR105: Preposterous Mood Swings (PMS) (formerly "Keeping Your Personal Problems from Ruining Everyone Else's Life Too")
- IR106: Understanding Men's Revulsion to Tampon Commercials (formerly called "We Know What That Little 'Plastic Applicator' is REALLY For!")
Girl Speak Translated
- SE101a: How to Say "Yes"
- SE101b: How to Say "No" But Mean "Yes"
- SE102: Sex - It's Not Just for Breakfast Anymore
- SE103: Who Belongs on Top and Why
- SE104: Lingerie - The Gift that Keeps On Giving
- SE105: Sexual Alternatives for "That Time of the Month" (formerly titled "Any Old Port in a Storm"
Girlspeak To English Dictionary
She says English
You want You want
We need I want
It's your decision The correct decision should be
obvious by now
Do what you want You'll pay for this later
We need to talk I need to complain
Sure...go ahead I don't want you to.
I'm not upset Of course I'm upset, you moron.
You're...so manly You need a shave and you sweat
You're certainly attentive tonight. Is sex all you ever think
I'm not emotional! And I'm not I'm on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights. I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient. I want a new house.
I want new curtains and carpeting, furniture,
Hang the picture there No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise I noticed you were almost
Do you love me? I'm going to ask for something
How much do you love me? I did something today you're
really not going to
I'll be ready in a minute. Kick off your shoes and find a
good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? Tell me I'm beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate. Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!? [Too late, your dead.]
I'm sorry. You'll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe? It's easy to fix, so you'd
better get get used to it.AA
I'm not yelling! Yes I am yelling because I
think this is important.
In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The same old thing. Nothing.
Everything. My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really. It's just that you're such an
I don't want to talk about it. Go away, I'm still building up
evidence against you.