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Discussion Starter #1
Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel
and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the
next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you
$800 to
drop that towel." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her
towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800
and
leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob
the
next door neighbor," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "did he
say
anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story: If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may
be in
a position to prevent avoidable exposure


Lesson 2:

A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her
gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears,
he
let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized. "Sorry sister but the flesh
is
weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her
way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss
a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:


A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The
Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." "Me first! Me
first!"
says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a
speedboat,
without a care in the world." Puff! She's gone. "Me next! Me next!"
says the
sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my
personal
masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff!
He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager
says,
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?" The
eagle
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the
eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and
ate
it.


Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be
sitting
very, very high up.


Lesson 5:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy."
"Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull.
"They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found
it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second
branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top
of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.


Moral of the story: Bull shit might get you to the top,
but it won't keep you there!


Lesson 6:

A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze
and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a
cow
came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in
the
pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was
actually
thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to
sing for
joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story: (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy;
(2) Not
everyone who gets you out of the shit is your friend; (3) And when
you're in
deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

:crackup: :crackup:
 

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Discussion Starter #11
vapour said:
Very nice, can I post it on other forums?:beer:


Sure. I got it in an email.
 
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