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Ninja Police!
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Ok guys, well im still looking to get a Gen 4 of which i will someday haha. But my wife and I just adopted 2 children since we cant have our own. Brother and sister, Boy is 9, Girl is 7. Im 28 years old and my wife is 23 and we are new to this whole parenting thing. The boy has hardcore ADD, of which almost all children do.

Is there anyone who can maybe help me out on some good ways to start when they are at this age? The boy likes to lie to your face and not listen, the girl..shes pretty good.
 

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Congrats! I'm just going to say the obvious: be consistent, and don't let the kids play you and your wife off each other (make sure if one of them asks you for something, your wife knows what they asked and that they asked you, for example).
 

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Slow Poke
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Be patient man. And from personal experience. Me being the boy with ADD and having an asshole as a step dad. You need to really working on helping him to trust you. If he feels like he will get in trouble for being truthful he will lie every time not even realizing the consequences. You have to help him feel like you are a friend before a father figure. Just be patient and when he does do something bad but tells you the Truth be lienient. You really have to work on building trust and make him feel like he can tell you anything. And in turn that will help him not to feel like he has to keep anything from you in fear of an ass whoppin. Just IMO.

Congrats on the adoption man. It takes a big heart to do what you guys are doin.



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The Pace
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Be patient man. And from personal experience. Me being the boy with ADD and having an asshole as a step dad. You need to really working on helping him to trust you. If he feels like he will get in trouble for being truthful he will lie every time not even realizing the consequences. You have to help him feel like you are a friend before a father figure. Just be patient and when he does do something bad but tells you the Truth be lienient. You really have to work on building trust and make him feel like he can tell you anything. And in turn that will help him not to feel like he has to keep anything from you in fear of an ass whoppin. Just IMO.

Congrats on the adoption man. It takes a big heart to do what you guys are doin.



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yes. This is the start. You don't have to be talking, but WATCHING and trying to 'read' what he's thinking. Very concrete thinking, as in he will not be thinking abstractly. Gonna be about himself and self gain every time. Because of this his problem is gonna be school, as he perceive zero self gain from school BECAUSE 'future' is simply too abstract for his brain to deal with. Kinda odd. Why ADD is called the '8 hour retard." The range of ADD is HUGE, so hard to say what to do without watching him over time. Some have trouble sitting at a desk. Some have trouble putting pencil to paper. Some have trouble keeping their mouth shut. The list is long.

But once you can see what he's thinking, say something and gauge his response. If defensive, you know you got it and now he ready to fight. Normal kid would be respectful of your quick understanding. Not the ADD kid.

Did he qualify for special ed?
 

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Of course you are faster
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Children, simotaniously the source of our greatest joy and deepest anguish.

the hope is that there is more joy then anguish. Props for adoption, and at such an advanced age.

Make sure your wife and you are on the same page, both of you need to back each other up, never should the children see you disagree with each other about the children. even if you do, save it for later when you two are alone. Work it out, then present a solid front.

I used to tell the kids the only thing between them and a spanking, was mom... so mom is your friend, don't whine, don't bug her while she is on the phone, don't give her lip about ANYTHING... cuz all she needs to do is say..."wup em" and the hammer is comming down...

... and dad. well dad was wup em and ask questions later.... so mom was their only hope.

Not sure about the lieing, I always said there were two reasons to get spanked... Lieing, and Sassing... both are sins of Commission and neither is "accidental". You lie because you want to decieve, you sass because you have no respect for the person you are sassing.

I suppose you can set some "lie traps", catch him and have some unpleasent but agreed upon punishment, as a method of breaking him of the habit... but habitual liers, it becomes second nature, if it's easier to tell the lie... it's told before they can even think about it. And 9 years old and entrenched in lies... that's a hard habit to break.
 

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Starbucks Connoisseur
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4,371 Posts
Ok guys, well im still looking to get a Gen 4 of which i will someday haha. But my wife and I just adopted 2 children since we cant have our own. Brother and sister, Boy is 9, Girl is 7. Im 28 years old and my wife is 23 and we are new to this whole parenting thing. The boy has hardcore ADD, of which almost all children do.

Is there anyone who can maybe help me out on some good ways to start when they are at this age? The boy likes to lie to your face and not listen, the girl..shes pretty good.
I have to give you two some serious mad props. There are VERY few people in this world with your mindset. But those children have the most amazing and loving parents which you are giving them the biggest advantage and head start in life.

There are many child counselors, books, webinars on this subject that you can refer to.
 

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Ninja Police!
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Discussion Starter #11
Yea, the boy is gonna be the hardest to break if of his habits. He dont like to listen at all. And the girl, she is a lil diva but she will listen mostly. And sadly to say but these kids know too much about..too much. The girl who is 7, knows about sex and everything that goes along with it. They know about drugs and getting high.
 

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Starbucks Connoisseur
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Have you taken them to Starbucks yet?
:dontknow:
 

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Have you taken them to Starbucks yet?
:dontknow:
yea maybe you can get them to trade one addiction for another. that's normally how it goes.

good luck man. i feel for you, i have the opposite problem lol i have a dad that lies and i too am trying to break him of that.
 

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good luck dude, I have 3 boys and could write you a book on my views on parenting but you'll just have to figure it out and learn the hardest lessons yourself. It will help you grow up in a hurry, without realizing it you'll learn selflessness, patience, more patience, a little more patience when you thought you had none left, consistency, empathy, and about a thousand others.

Good luck, you sound like a good guy/couple. The kids will benefit from that.
 
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