Kawasaki ZX-10R Forum banner

1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
If anyone ever asks you what it's like to be in the Navy just have 'em follow these simple instructions.


(1.) Lock all friends and family outside. Your only means of communication should be with letters that your neighbours have held for at least three weeks, discarding two of five.

(2.) Surround yourself with 300 people that you don't really know or like: people who smoke, snore like Mack trucks going uphill, and use foul language like a child uses sugar on cereal.

(3.) Unplug all radios and TVs to completely cut yourself off from the outside world. Have a neighbour bring you a Times, Newsweek, or Proceedings from five years ago to keep you abreast of current events.

(4.) Monitor all home appliances hourly, recording all vital information (ie: plugged in, lights come on when doors open, etc)

(5.) Do not flush the toilet for five days to simulate the smell of 90 people using the same commode.

(6.) Lock the bathroom twice a day for a four hour period.

(7.) Wear only military uniforms. Even though nobody cares, clean and press one dress uniform and wear it for 4 hours to simulate watch.

(8.) Cut your hair weekly, making it shorter each time, until you look bald or look like you lost a fight with a demented sheep.

(9.) Work in 19-hour cycles, sleeping only four hours at a time, to ensure that your body does not know or even care if it is day or night.

(10.) Listen to your favourite CD 6 times a day for two weeks, then play music that causes acute nausea until you are glad to get back to your favorite CD.

(11.) Cut a twin mattress in half and enclose three sides of your bed. Add a roof that prevents you from sitting up (about 10 inches is a good distance) then place it on a platform that is four feet off the floor. Place a small dead animal under the bed to simulate the smell of your bunkmate's socks.

(12.) Set your alarm to go off at 10 minute intervals for the first hour of sleep to simulate the various times the watchstanders and nightcrew bump around and wake you up. Place your bed on a rocking table to ensure you are tossed around the remaining three hours. Make use of a custom clock that randomly simulates fire alarms, police sirens, helicopter crash alarms, and a new-wave rock band.

(13.) Have week old fruit and vegetables delivered to your garage and wait two weeks before eating them.

(14.) Prepare all meals blindfolded using all the spices you can grope for, or none at all. Remove the blindfold and eat everything in three minutes.

(15.) Periodically, shut off all power at the main circuit breaker and run around shouting "fire, fire, fire" and then restore power.

(16.) At least once a month, force the commode to overflow to simulate a 'black water system' boo-boo.

(17.) Buy a gas mask and smear it with rancid animal fat. Scrub the faceshield with steel wool until you can no longer see out of it. Wear this for two hours every fifth day especially when you are in the bathroom.

(18.) Study the owner's manual for all household appliances. Routinely take an appliance apart and put it back together.

(19.) Remove all plants, pictures and decorations. Paint everything gray, white, or the shade of hospital smocks.

(20.) Buy 50 cases of toilet paper and lock up all but two rolls. Ensure one of these two rolls is wet all the time.

(21.) Smash your forehead or shins with a hammer every two days to simulate collision injuries sustained onboard Navy ships.

(22.) When making sandwiches, leave the bread out for six days, or until it is hard and stale.

(23.) Every 10 weeks, simulate a visit to another port. Go directly to the city slums wearing your best clothes. Find the worst looking place, and ask for the most expensive beer that they carry. Drink as many as you can in four hours. Take a cab home taking the longest possible route. Tip the cabby after he charges you double because you dress funny and don't speak right.

(24.) Use fresh milk for only two days after each port visit, then wait 30 days to buy more

(25.) Keep the bedroom thermostat at 2 deg C and use only a thin blanket for warmth.

(26.) Ensure that the water heater is connected to a device that provides water at a flow rate that varies from a fast drip to a weak trickle, with the temperature alternating rapidly from -2 to 95 deg C.

(27.) Use only spoons which hold a minimum of 1/2 cup at a time.

(28.) Repaint the interior of your home every month, whether it needs it or not.

(29.) Remind yourself every day: 'it's not just a job, it's an adventure!'

(30.) Mix kerosene with your water supply to simulate the de-sal plant on the ship picking up JP5 in the intake -- if a lit match thrown into your coffee pot doesn't ignite it, add more kerosene.

(31.) Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper outloud. Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent.

(32.) Every four hours, check the fluid level in your car's radiator. Check the tire pressure and replace air lost from excessive pressure checks. Be sure to place red tag on ignition stating "DANGER: DO NOT OPERATE" while you perform these checks. Inform your neighbor as to the results of these checks, have him tell you to repeat the checks because he did not see you perform them.

(33.) Paint your house grey (exterior) include windows except for rooms you do not frequent, paint your car grey, paint your driveway a different shade of grey.

(34.) Wait outside your dining area as a family member eats a meal, then have that person serve you a meal prepared several hours earlier.

(35.) Shut all blinds and doors at sunset.

(36.) Clean your house 'till there's absolutely not a speck of dust anywhere. Call on a stranger to come inspect your house. Ensure stranger sees dust that has collected in the time it took to find him. Stranger cannot leave until he finds irrational fault with your house/belongings.

(37.) Hang Christmas lights in June. When the neighbors ask, say, 'deceptive lighting.'

(38.) Hang white lights when relatives visit. When neighbors ask, say, 'friendship lights.'

(39.) Clean the kitchen and wait on your family for every meal for 180 days to simulate your duties as 'Food Service Assistant.

(40.) Don't go to work for one day and don't call in, then punish yourself by not leaving your house for 45 days and at the same time make sure to do any nasty work around the house during that time, then take 1/2 of 2 months pay and give it back to your boss.
 

·
Bloo Moderator
Joined
·
23,742 Posts

·
Bloo Moderator
Joined
·
23,742 Posts
bradshow01 said:
i'm about to re-enlist in july, so 5 1/2 more years!

Good Deal...:eek:ccasion1:.....I always respected Navy guys and gals and even though I was in the Air Force I found the Navy specialist in almost all areas to be one of the best if not the best compared to all other services mainly because they train to fix problems with little or no support when out to sea.:thumbsup:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
Discussion Starter #7
funny thing is, my job has more to do with jets than ships, i just have to live on a ship, but i actually control f-18's, i can also control f-15's and f-22's (when they become active)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,118 Posts
haha, thats funny, my dad and uncle's were navy, not far off from what i've heard
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
255 Posts
"wtf"

I've been out for 6 yrs now, and I just had a major flashback! I wish you the best!

What about # 41 Pull into port and spend all your hard earned money on some foreign A**! Greece,Spain,Italy,and I Turkey Damn I love Turkey!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
What about # 41 Pull into port and spend all your hard earned money on some foreign A**! Greece,Spain,Italy,and I Turkey Damn I love Turkey![/QUOTE]



with a little effort and a good translation book, it only takes a small conversation to get her back to her place for free!! much better than them flithy ones at the brothels, and malta has to be the best mediterrianian spot to go....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,018 Posts
I laughed out loud at #31. I'm in the Army, and every time I think that I have it bad, I remind myself that I don't live on a ship and that I'm not away from my family(except for when deployed downrange) for months at a time. You guys that serve on the ships have my utmost respect!

(31.) Stand outside at attention at dawn and have the poorest reader you know read the morning paper outloud. Be sure to have him skip over anything pertinent.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,277 Posts
You sound like you are in the Navy, I used to be in; don't you have better forms of communications now? I heard there are computers with internet access, I don't know how available they are if true, but I didn't have that. We didn't have cell phones either. Good post though, brought back a lot of memories (good & bad). You sound like you are Ships Company, I worked directly with fighter jets (F-18's & F-14's) in a squadron, so I only saw the ship when we deployed or during work-ups. I didn't even have 6 full months of sea time and that was with 5+ years of Sea Duty (I lucked-out big time). I also avoided about 1/2 of the duties you describe because I was already an E-5 by the time I saw my first ship (USS Ranger).

Let me tell you this (although you might already know it since you reenlisted), it might not seem so glamorous now, but it makes you feel a lot better about yourself knowing you did what only a select few do in this country, serve it.

Thank you for your sacrifice!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,277 Posts
I slept in the middle cubicle, I'm 6'2" and the bunks were less than 6' long. I was a nightchecker (worked nights) and my berthing area was forward near the catapult stop for cat 2, so I slept to the tune of Day Ops "swoosh, bang, swoosh." On the top bunk of the cubicle across from mine was a gay galley worked (luckily he worked day shift), and every time I had to swing by my cubicle in the middle of the night, some guy would be sitting on his bunk. I would eat breakfast at mid-rats and in the mornings, workout after my shift ended, and sleep for a few hours. Depending on what was being served for lunch, sometimes I would get up, but I mostly always skipped lunch. How are those Pizza and Chicken lines at the galley? Are they longer than the VD lines when you pull out of a port???:mrgreen:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,062 Posts
I slept over the screws which was bad when answering a backing bell or anything higher than ahead full. Was like a constant earthquake. But being anywhere near the cats or arresting gear must be ten times worse during flight ops. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out to my driveway to do a FOD walkdown.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
828 Posts
Discussion Starter #19
iroman said:
I slept in the middle cubicle, I'm 6'2" and the bunks were less than 6' long. I was a nightchecker (worked nights) and my berthing area was forward near the catapult stop for cat 2, so I slept to the tune of Day Ops "swoosh, bang, swoosh." On the top bunk of the cubicle across from mine was a gay galley worked (luckily he worked day shift), and every time I had to swing by my cubicle in the middle of the night, some guy would be sitting on his bunk. I would eat breakfast at mid-rats and in the mornings, workout after my shift ended, and sleep for a few hours. Depending on what was being served for lunch, sometimes I would get up, but I mostly always skipped lunch. How are those Pizza and Chicken lines at the galley? Are they longer than the VD lines when you pull out of a port???:mrgreen:

my previous ship, which is now decomissioned was pretty rough, our berthing was right on top of the aft "black water" tank. No dumping of human waste inside of 3nm from shore right, only takes a couple of people droppin off marines to fill it up, where does the extra go? right through the drain and into the berthing......made for a wonderful smell.....anyhoo I'm on a brand new ship now, not even comissioned yet, USS KIDD (DDG-100)....pretty cool stuff, everything is pretty much automated now. The little pizza's are good too, chicken, eh, kinda like chewing on chicken jerky. but there is nothing more relaxing than sitting outside in the middle of the night out at sea and hearing the water and looking at all the stars.....oh and port visits, who would want to go to 8 different countries in 6 months, i hate doing that!!:badteeth:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,277 Posts
On board the USS Ranger, I traveled to Hawaii, Philippines, Singapore, and the wonderful island of Diego Garcia in a 3 1/2 month period. I then was helo'd to Bahrain, flown to Singapore, to the Philippines (Angeles City this time), Hawaii, and back to California on Terminal leave. Only to re-up a few days later because I had Shore Duty coming and had just made E-6.

As a reservist with VR-57, I can't even start to tell you how many countries I visited. I went to Japan, Sicilly (13 times), Spain, Columbia, Brazil, Chile, Germany, Portugal, Korea, Wake Island, Hawaii, Puerto Rico, Iceland, Kosovo (twice during the conflict), Egypt, and several other countries. Definitely the best time of my life, no ships, no 40+ days out at sea, eating the best food, sleeping in my own room many times in hotels. A totally different Navy...
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
Top