POOPING @ Work.. it happpens - Kawasaki ZX-10R.net
 
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post #1 of 7 Old 05-29-2010, 02:44 PM Thread Starter
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POOPING @ Work.. it happpens

HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try
to connvince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who
hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
work.

CROP DUSTING:

When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is
not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart
has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left
your pants.

FLY BY:

This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in
and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave
and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
bathroom.

ESCAPEE:

This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
it.Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties
feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK:
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom
to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the
water.This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have
just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that
the
smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the
use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office
for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N):
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
whereabouts of the Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS:
A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building
where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
the
opposite s ex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR:
This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs,
remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid
all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that
you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is
very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE:
An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This w ill remove all
doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON:
A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting
the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the
toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with
an Astaire.

UNCLE TODD:
An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around
forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror
or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while
on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is
empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an inevitable
part of life.

Hey, Kiss my ass!!!
I'm from Texas, It's more Gooder!! What country are you from?
2006 solar yellow-sold to Usmcjohn1148, purchased back from UsmcJohn. She is home now.
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post #2 of 7 Old 05-29-2010, 02:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hawk Baron View Post
HOW TO POOP AT WORK
We've all been there but don't like to admit it. As much as we try
to connvince ourselves otherwise, the WORKPOOP is inevitable. For those who
hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at
work.

CROP DUSTING:

When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is
not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it
came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart
has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left
your pants.

FLY BY:

This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in
and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave
and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may
become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the
bathroom.

ESCAPEE:

This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or
forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of
embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge
it.Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is
uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties
feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK:
When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace.
This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should
happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the
bathroom
to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH:
The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the
water.This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the
bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME:
Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have
just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if
someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that
the
smell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the
use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:
This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You
will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a
newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office
for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N):
A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping
goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the
whereabouts of the Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS:
A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building
where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of
the
opposite s ex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex
entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR:
This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and
tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and
vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs,
remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid
all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH:
A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that
you are in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up a
WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is
very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE:
An Astaire is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd
Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This w ill remove all
doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom
immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON:
A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting
the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a
Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET:
A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the
toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with
an Astaire.

UNCLE TODD:
An Uncle Todd is a bathroom user who seems to linger around
forever. This person could spend extended lengths of time in front of the
mirror
or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Todd makes it difficult to relax while
on the crapper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is
empty. This benefits you as well as other bathroom attendees.

Hope the Survival Guide helps, as the WORKPOOP is an inevitable
part of life.
I LOL'ed.. I think everyone that works in an office building can relate.. REPPPPPPP


Edit: It wouldn't let me rep you..but you got that shit in my head man..

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Originally Posted by miykl View Post
"Put your brain in gear, b4 you put your mouth in motion."
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post #3 of 7 Old 05-29-2010, 02:55 PM Thread Starter
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I got's dibs on a Safe Haven here at work. It's forgotten about in a secluded upstairs corner....... Speakin' of... GTG.

Hey, Kiss my ass!!!
I'm from Texas, It's more Gooder!! What country are you from?
2006 solar yellow-sold to Usmcjohn1148, purchased back from UsmcJohn. She is home now.
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post #4 of 7 Old 05-29-2010, 03:14 PM
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Pretty good one Hawk!!!!!!
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post #5 of 7 Old 05-30-2010, 09:54 AM
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i think ive read that somewhere before but its still funny.

mods: hot bodies fender eliminator, puig smoked wind screen, secondary flies removed, hot bodies GP growler, 1/5th throttle mod
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post #6 of 7 Old 06-03-2010, 11:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lethe View Post
i think ive read that somewhere before but its still funny.
Its been on here before but a rep worthy repost!

Damn apparently I have to spread some around first

Quote:
Originally Posted by k_p_m View Post
PS. This is by far the most epic fail I have ever laid my eyes on. Holes in the ECU guy and "yut ugh" guy and NOS energy drink guy are all so relieved you came along and destroyed their epic failness with your damn speed holes in the frame.

IBSR
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post #7 of 7 Old 06-03-2010, 11:38 AM
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Can't stop laughing, just about every senerio on the list happened to me .
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