ok red....i had to do it....some canadian jokes
A French guest who was staying in a hotel in Edmonton phoned room service for some pepper. "Black pepper, or white pepper?" asked the concierge.
Q: What’s the difference between a Canadian and a canoe?
A: A canoe will tip.
A Canadian is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"
"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.
"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade."
Q: Why do Canadians screw doggy-style?
A: So both can watch the hockey game.
In Canada, there are only 2 seasons - six months of winter and 6 months of poor snowmobiling
Q: What does a Goal Keeper and a Quebec girl have in common?
A: Both change their pads after three periods...
How many newfees does it take to make a chocolate chip cookie?
2. One to hold the cookie, and one to squeeze the rabbit.
What’s the definition of a Canadian? - A disarmed American with health care...
When a Canadian thinks of Hell...he wonders what the heating bill must be.
An Ontarion, British Columbian and Newfee were on top of a cliff.
Suddenly, with a puff of smoke a genie appeared before them. The genie told the three men that if they jumped off the cliff, they’d land in whatever they yelled as they were jumping.
First to jump was the Ontarian. He accelerated towards the edge, jumped as far as he could whilst yelling ’MONEY!’. Sure enough, he landed in a mountain of cash and was filthy rich the rest of his life.
Next up was the British Columbian. He ran as fast as he could, jumped off the cliff and screamd, "GOLD!"
Sure enough, he landed in a huge pile of gold and was an instant Billionaire.
Then the Newfee ran as fast as he could, reached the edge of the cliff, tripped over a rock and screamed in pain as he fell downwards...
An American, a Scot and a Canuk were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the American, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened.
"Well," said the American, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $100, we could return to the earth."
He continued, " So of course, I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $100, and the next thing I knew I was back here."
"That’s amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?"
"Last I saw them," replied the American, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Canadian was waiting for the government to pay for his."
Seeing 2 dogs doing the deed, the embarrassed Canadian teacher tried to explain this to her students. "You see, the dog on top hurt his paw, and the one on the bottom is taking him to the doctor."
"Oh, I see," said on of the students, "Just like in the US, try to help somebody and they screw you every time..."
Why does a Canadian cross the road?
To get to the middle.
What do urine samples and Canadian beer have in common?
Why do Newfie dogs have flat noses?
From chasing parked cars.