Three women die in a car crash. On their way to heaven, they reach the pearly gates, and the gatekeeper asks the first woman. "Sue have you ever touched a a penis?"
She replies, "I once stroked one with my finger."
He replies, "Wash your finger in the holy water and you may enter."
The gatekeeper then says "Mary have you ever touched a penis?"
She says "I once gave a man a wank."
He said "Wash your hand in the holy water and you may enter."
Quite a queue has formed by this time. The gatekeeper turns to the third woman, but there is suddenly a lot of commotion further down the queue. The gatekeeper shouts to one of the women, Claire "What is the problem?"
Claire marches to the front of the queue and says, "If I'm going to gargle holy water, I'm doing it before Beth sticks her arse in it!"