Haynes Manuals Terms Translation - Kawasaki ZX-10R.net
 
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post #1 of 9 Old 12-14-2008, 01:28 PM Thread Starter
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Haynes Manuals Terms Translation

Haynes Manuals translation of important terms...
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Haynes mechanic manual: Important Terms And Their Definitions

Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
Translation: Clamp with vice-grip then beat repeatedly with hammer anticlockwise. You do know which way is anticlockwise, don't you?

Haynes: Should remove easily.
Translation: Will be corroded into place ... clamp with vice-grip then beat repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: This is a snug fit.
Translation: You will skin your knuckles! ... Clamp with vice-grip then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: This is a tight fit.
Translation: Not a hope in hell man! ... Clamp with vice-grip then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start, now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox.

Haynes: Pry...
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...

Haynes: Undo...
Translation: Go buy a tin of WD40 (industrial size).

Haynes: Ease ...
Translation: Apply superhuman strength to ...

Haynes:
Retain tiny spring...
Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly rip my eye out"!

Haynes:
Press and rotate to remove bulb...
Translation: OK - that's the glass bit off, now get some swall vice-grip to dig out the socket part and remaining glass shards with your hands dripping blood

Haynes: Lightly...
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your forehead are coming out then re-check the manual because what you are doing now cannot be considered "lightly".

Haynes: Weekly checks...
Translation: If it isn't broken don't fix it!

Haynes: Routine maintenance...
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!


Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
Translation:yaaaa, right... Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

Haynes: Compress...
Translation: Squeeze with all your can, jump up and down on, swear at it, throw at the garage wall, then search for it in the dark corner of the garage while swearing "******" repeatedly .

Haynes: Inspect...
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife "Yep, I thought so, it's going to need a new one"!

Haynes: Carefully...
Translation: You are about to cut yourself!

Haynes: Retaining nut...
Translation: Yes, that's it, that un-reachable rusted-out one.

Haynes: Get an assistant...
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you know.

Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
Translation: same thing ,but you just swear in different places.

Haynes: unlock plastic locating clips...
Translation: Snap off...

Haynes: Using a suitable drift or pin-punch...
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!

Haynes:
Everyday tool kit
Translation; Credit Card & Cell Phone

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation : Heat up until glowing red, if it still doesn't come undone use a hacksaw.

Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
Translation 2: Unless you have a blast furnace, don't bother. Clamp with Vice Grip then beat repeatedly with hammer.

Haynes: Index
Translation: List of all the things in the book that you were looking for swearing for an hour

Haynes: Remove oil filter using an oil filter wrench.
Translation: Stick a screwdriver through it and beat handle repeatedly with a hammer.

Haynes: Replace old gasket with a new one.
Translation: I know I've got a tube of sillicone around here somewhere.


Haynes: See illustration for details
Translation: None of the illustrations notes will match the pictured exploded, numbered parts. The unit illustrated is from a previous or variant model.

Haynes ; secure it
Translation ; Duct it

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post #2 of 9 Old 12-14-2008, 01:33 PM
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This could have been useful on Friday when I was working on the truck!

At its core, the Ninja ZX-10R is a motorcycle built for the accomplished rider who can fully appreciate its capabilities--whether put to the test at a racetrack, or merely the focus of bench-racing conversation. It is, by all standards, the embodiment of the ultimate superbike.


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post #3 of 9 Old 12-14-2008, 09:54 PM
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I really am crying. That was hilarious.
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post #4 of 9 Old 01-03-2009, 06:36 PM
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post #5 of 9 Old 01-03-2009, 07:09 PM
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This is great!


1976 250 Elsinore Sold
1997 600R Sold
1976 KZ 900 Sold
2003 1500 Meanstreak Sold
2006 DL 650 Sold
2002 919 Hornet Sold
2004 ZX-10R
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post #6 of 9 Old 01-03-2009, 07:46 PM
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awesome translation!!
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post #7 of 9 Old 01-05-2009, 04:41 AM
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so very true! I don't even bother with the manuals anymore, I just use the "installation is reverse of removal" technique and I've done fine so far!
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post #8 of 9 Old 01-05-2009, 06:52 AM
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Funny stuff!

BURNOUT.....
Attitudes are contagious. Mine might kill you.
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post #9 of 9 Old 01-05-2009, 01:46 PM
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This is soo True!
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