Hangover rating system - Kawasaki ZX-10R.net
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post #1 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 09:48 AM Thread Starter
 
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Hangover rating system

One Star Hangover (*) No pain. No real feeling of illness. You're able to function relatively well. However, you are still rather parched. You have the ability and desire to consume five sodas, and strangely, still feel this way. For some reason, you are craving a steak & fries.

Two Star Hangover (**) No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay, but you have the mental capacity of a grapefruit. The coffee you are chugging is only increasing your rumbling gut, which is still tossing around the four egg omelet and fruity pancakes from the 3:00 AM Waffle House excursion. There is some definite havoc being wreaked upon your bowels.

Three Star Hangover (***) Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the flavored schnapps shots your alcoholic friends dared you to drink. Life would be better right now if you were home in bed watching Seinfeld reruns. You've had four cups of coffee, a gallon of water, three Gatoraides and a diet Coke... yet you haven't pissed once.

Four Star Hangover (****) Life sucks. Your head is throbbing. You can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already ripped you a new asshole you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you only shaved one side of your face. Your eyes look like one big red vein, and even your hair hurts. Your sphincter is in perpetual spasm, and the first of about five shits you take during the day brings water to the eyes of everyone who enters the bathroom.

Five Star Hangover, (*****) You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the person who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth in an attempt to get out the remnants of the shiz fairy. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva so your tongue is suffocating you. You don't have the slightest idea who the hell the girl was passed out in your bed this morning. Any attempt to defecate results in a fire hose like discharge of alcohol-scented fluid with a rare 'floater' thrown in. The sole purpose of this 'floater' seems to be a cruel joke designed to splash the toilet water all over your butt. Death sounds pretty good right about now....
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post #2 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 09:51 AM
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Good oneI know abou this a little too well.

"Never trade the thrill of living, for the security of existence"
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post #3 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 09:55 AM
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I just had people looking at me funny cause I was laughing so hard.. Good one.

The only thing nessecary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing

"sometimes in order to truly live life you must risk it."

You hit the lights, I hit the gas...


THERE ARE ONLY THREE SPEEDS, FAST, VERY FAST, AND OH SHIT!
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post #4 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 09:56 AM
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haha too accurate. good thing i've gone above 3 stars only a handful of times. i'm typically 1 sometimes 2.

That is the Curse of Speed which has plagued me all my life. I am a slave to it. On my tombstone they will carve, "IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME."
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post #5 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 09:56 AM
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All to true hahahah Rep sent

I'd rather stand for something than to fall for nothing!
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post #6 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 09:56 AM
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Quote:
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I just had people looking at me funny cause I was laughing so hard.. Good one.
best thing about the morning after a night of hard drinking, everything is hilarious.

That is the Curse of Speed which has plagued me all my life. I am a slave to it. On my tombstone they will carve, "IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME."
-Hunter S. Thompson
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post #7 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 10:01 AM
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The bathroom floor, out front on the porch, the kitchen floor, seem to be the most comfortable spots around the whole house on some late nights/ early mornings.

The only thing nessecary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing

"sometimes in order to truly live life you must risk it."

You hit the lights, I hit the gas...


THERE ARE ONLY THREE SPEEDS, FAST, VERY FAST, AND OH SHIT!
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post #8 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 10:03 AM
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oh i know the bathroom floor all too well. it's also really comfortable to hang my head inside the toilet.

That is the Curse of Speed which has plagued me all my life. I am a slave to it. On my tombstone they will carve, "IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME."
-Hunter S. Thompson
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post #9 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 10:06 AM
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oh i know the bathroom floor all too well. it's also really comfortable to hang my head inside the toilet.

The only thing nessecary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing

"sometimes in order to truly live life you must risk it."

You hit the lights, I hit the gas...


THERE ARE ONLY THREE SPEEDS, FAST, VERY FAST, AND OH SHIT!
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post #10 of 21 Old 10-18-2007, 10:07 AM
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haha seriously, have you ever actually fell asleep while laying your head on the seat after puking uncontrollably?

That is the Curse of Speed which has plagued me all my life. I am a slave to it. On my tombstone they will carve, "IT NEVER GOT FAST ENOUGH FOR ME."
-Hunter S. Thompson
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