A few good ones - Kawasaki ZX-10R.net
 
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post #1 of 6 Old 07-31-2011, 08:51 AM Thread Starter
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A few good ones

A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together, when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler. The little boy asks: "Can I have a beer Grandpa?" Grandpa replies: "Can your pecker touch your ass, son?" The little boy answered: "No Grandpa. Itís just a little pecker" Gramps says: "Well then, youíre not man enough to have a beer boy" A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asks: "Can I have a cigar Grandpa?" Once again, Grandpa asks: "Can your pecker touch your ass, son?" Once again the little boy replies, "No, itís too little" Gramps replies, "Then youíre not man enough to have a cigar" A little later the little boy comes out of the house with milk and some cookies. Grandpa asks, "Hey there young feller, can I have a cookie?" The boy ask, "Can your pecker touch your ass?" Gramps replies , "Hell yes, my pecker can touch my ass!" The little boy replies, "Then go fuck yourself. Grandma made these for me!"

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post #2 of 6 Old 07-31-2011, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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Women(1) and women( 2) conversation:
(1) yesterday i had the best time of my life! (2) lucky.. i had the worst night ever.. my husbed came home, he ate, fucked me for about 2 minutes, then went to bed! (1) well you see my night was completly different... my husbend came home, he took me out for dinner, we walked home, then he lite candles, we had the best sex ever, talked for a bit, then had more sex! (2) whoa how romantic!


Men(1) and men(2) conversation:
(1) yesterday was the best night i had...i came home and dinner was right there for me so i ate had a quickey and went to sleep! (2) ha you lucky bitch i had the worst night ever...i forgot to pay my electric bill so i had to take my wife out for dinner, then i had no cash for a taxi so i had to walk her home, and i forgot the electricity was out so i put up a couple of candles, then we had sex, and after that when i was tring to sleep she wouldnt shut up so i fucked her until she did!

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post #3 of 6 Old 07-31-2011, 09:00 AM Thread Starter
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Our rules

we always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are OUR rules: Please noteÖ these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Donít try to change that 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. Youíre a big girl. If itís up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You donít hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Saturday = sports. Itís like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way 1. Crying is blac.kma.il 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one* Subtle hints do not work* Strong hints do not work* Obvious hints do not work* JUST SAY IT 1. ĎYesí and ĎNoí are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Thatís what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days 1. If you think youíre fat, you probably are. Donít ask us 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we 1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothingís wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you donít want an answer to, expect an answer you donít want to hear 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really 1. Donít ask us what weíre thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:* Sex* Sport* Cars* or Computers 1. You have enough clothes 1. You have too many shoes 1. I am in shape. Round is a shape 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really donít mind that, itís like camping

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post #4 of 6 Old 07-31-2011, 09:06 AM Thread Starter
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A man playing on a new golf course got confused as to what hole he was on. He saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her and asked if she knew what hole he was playing. She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you’re a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine, the same thing happened, and he approached the lady again with the same request. She said, “I’m on the 14th, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th.” Once again he thanked her.

He finished his round and went into the club house and saw the lady sitting at the end of the bar. He went up to her and said, “Let me buy you a drink to show my appreciation for your help.” He started a conversation and asked her what kind of work she did. She said she was in sales, and he said he was in sales also. He asked what she sold.

She replied, “If I told you, you would only laugh.”

“No, I wouldn’t,” he said.

She said, “I sell tampons.”

With that he fell on the floor laughing so hard.

She said, “See, I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper salesman, so I’m STILL one hole behind you!”

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post #5 of 6 Old 07-31-2011, 09:12 AM Thread Starter
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A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies are okay. The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it’s too risky to operate. All is fine for 18 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears.

“What’s wrong” asks the mother. “I was taking a piss and this bullet came out” replies the daughter. The mother tells her it’s okay and explains what happened 18 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. “Mom, I was taking a piss and this bullet came out”. Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 18 years ago.

A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. “It’s okay” says the mom, “I know what happened, you were taking a piss and a bullet came out.” “No,” says the boy, “I was jerking off and I shot the dog.”

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post #6 of 6 Old 11-20-2011, 06:15 AM
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haha.. that's some funny [email protected]#$

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