When I got home last night my wife demanded I take her
somewhere expensive.....so I took her to the gas
station.....and that's when the fight started!
After retiring, I went to the social security office to
apply for Social Security, The woman behind the counter
asked for my driver's license to verify my age. I
looked for my wallet but realized I'd left it at home.
I said that I was sorry and that I would have to go home
and come back later. The woman said, 'unbutton your
shirt'. So I unbuttoned my shirt revealing my curly
silver hair. She said, 'that silver hair on your chest
is proof enough for me'' and she processed my Social
Security application. When I got home I excitedly told my
wife about my experience. She said, 'you should have
dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability,
too'. And that's when the fight started!
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
drink as she sat alone at her table. My wife asked,
'Do you know her?'' Yes I sighed. She's my
old girlfriend. I understand she took up drinking after we
broke up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
been sober since.'
'My God! ' says my wife, 'Who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long!' And
that's when the fight started!
I rear ended a car this morning. So, there we are along
side the road and slowly the other driver got out of his
car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
that little things just seem extra funny to you. Yea, well
I couldn't believe it...he was a DWARF!! He stormed
over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted....I am NOT
HAPPY!!! So, I looked down at him and said, ' Well,
which one ARE you?' And that's when the fight
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look
old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....