please criticize my essay - Kawasaki
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post #1 of 3 Old 03-04-2007, 03:26 AM Thread Starter
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please criticize my essay

Please give me some advice on my essay I wrote for my wrt101 class before I turn it in. Any suggestions of things to add? Anything incorrect? Thanks for any help

Sport Bike and Dirt Bike
Two wheels, a rumbling engine, and an exhaust heard from 1/8 of a mile away. What is it? It happens to be a motorcycle. Though there are many kinds, they all have this in common. Donít be fooled though, they all have their own distinguishing characteristics to determine one from another. Whether it is a speedy sport bike or an adventurous dirt bike, their traits are about to be revealed.
The sport bike is the motorcycle that most think of when they hear the word motorcycle. The sport bike is fast, aerodynamic, and one of the more popular bikes zooming around the streets today. It has a sleek design that just screams speed. It is definitely an eye catcher as well as an adrenaline rusher. Usually they have paint jobs with lines leaning in a way to further indicate the speed. This is the most distinguishing characteristic to the sport bike. It also has a windshield to further improve the aerodynamics for the speed of the bike. The exhaust is more of a whining whistle. It can be deep but generally isnít on the sport bike. The tires are smooth and round to grip upon different angles of the bike. This bike must be leant over to the side in order to turn. The handlebars are not effective when pushed to the side unless the bike is moving at very low speeds. The rider simply applies pressure downward on the handlebar in the direction the rider wishes to go. The suspension is stiff so that the bikes handling is not affected when leant over to turn or by the riders sudden change in positioning on the seat. The engine is extremely high performance. The RPM ranges from 0 up to 20,000 on some engines. This is a lot higher than that of even high performance, street legal cars. This can be a problem as an in-experienced rider can easily lose control. This is easily done on roads that are wet or have gravel or dirt on the road. This is where the dirt bike excels.
Obviously the dirt bike is designed to handle well in dirt. Its tires are knobby and deep in order to grip in dirt or mud. The rear tire spins faster than the bike is actually moving due to the looseness of dirt. Engines on the high performance end of dirt bikes can reach an RPM up to 15,000. In order to turn this bike the rider must use the handlebars and push forward with the hand that is the opposite of the direction that they wish to turn. Also due to the looseness of the dirt, the rider must slide the rear end of the bike outward of the direction that they wish to turn. The suspension is soft to absorb the demanding impact of various terrains and periods of the bike being airborne. Some dirt bikes are more prone to throwing sparks out of the exhaust and can only be ridden throughout certain months of the year. These bikes generally donít have fancy paint jobs but rather colored plastic fairings. This is due to the likeliness of dropping and abusing this bike and so that scratches will still bear the same color underneath the scratch as was on the surface before the scratch was made. These bikes are extremely durable due to the abuse that they go through. These bikes donít have trouble operating efficiently in bad weather conditions such as rain or even snow. The exhaust is deeper, louder, and doesnít have strict noise regulations. Riding a dirt bike is rough on ones body and is very physically demanding. As you can see, there are differences in these bikes.
These bikes have completely different handling aspects. One is made for speed while the other is made for durability and terrain. They differ in their looks and sound. Their tires are of different texture. The time of year that one can be ridden is restricted. One is made only for roads while the other can handle multiple terrains. One is more physically demanding than the other making one easier to ride longer than the other. So next time you hear the rumble of an engine on a two wheeled vehicles perhaps you will be able to determine just what it is.
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post #2 of 3 Old 03-04-2007, 05:01 AM
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I dont know what the class is but if its more on grammatical errs, here they are.

"Two wheels, a rumbling engine, and an exhaust heard from 1/8 of a mile away" <-- this is a clause, not a complete sentence. Easy fix would be "Two wheels, a rumbling engine, and an exhaust heard from 1/8 of a mile away, what is it?"

Its all mixed up. First you talked about what differs between sport and dirtbikes, then you jumped on the handlebars, then what makes a sportbike, then the parts. Like on the 2nd paragraph, I really cant find that paragraph's topic.. is it the parts ? the idea of a sportbike ? or inexperienced riders ?

Not just because you are comparing 2 diff things, doesnt mean you gotta have 1 par. each. Try to separate your thoughts and topic. Elaborate more, give the reader the feeling of being there, being able to see what you mean.

Your last par shouldve been the first, and your first the last.

As much as possible, refrain from using "IT" and "THE" to start your sentence. When comparing, its better to emphasize the differences in one sentence, like, "on the contrary", "meanwhile", "but", etc.. etc..

For this, I'd give you a C
Focus one paragraph on one thought..
then follow-up the next from the last one...
build it up a lil bit more, the conclude the whole thing with a short, suspense-packed one.

-contracosta times editor

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post #3 of 3 Old 03-04-2007, 01:26 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for letting me know how it actually is. It is supposed to be a compare and contrast essay. If there are any other suggestions please let me know.
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