Funny sh*t - Kawasaki ZX-10R.net
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post #1 of 15 Old 07-13-2006, 09:25 PM Thread Starter
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Funny sh*t

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike", the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep", the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.


The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation. The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."


The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse not on top."

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post #2 of 15 Old 07-13-2006, 09:27 PM
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i don't get it?


I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-Albert Einstein
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post #3 of 15 Old 07-13-2006, 09:28 PM Thread Starter
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New Sex Study...

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married
couples is a doggie position.

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead...

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post #4 of 15 Old 07-13-2006, 09:32 PM Thread Starter
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A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the
register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked
the checkout girl
if she could have some brought up to the register.
She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied
that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and
called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."

The next man
in line thought this was interesting, and like most
of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the
register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get
condoms, and
asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't
know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and
said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5."

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought
what he had seen
was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual
contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When
he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said he didn't know.
She asked him to
drop his pants and he did. She
reached over the counter, gave him a
quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said...
"Cleanup, Register 5"

Yoshi slipon, Sportech DB windscreen, K&N filter, TRE, PCIIIusb, Vortex swingarm sliders, 16T front sprocket, Euro turn signals, Smoothed tail. More performance and powder coating to come.
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post #5 of 15 Old 07-13-2006, 09:39 PM
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LMAO!

its been like 5 minutes and still cracking up at that one

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post #6 of 15 Old 07-13-2006, 10:14 PM Thread Starter
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One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

Yoshi slipon, Sportech DB windscreen, K&N filter, TRE, PCIIIusb, Vortex swingarm sliders, 16T front sprocket, Euro turn signals, Smoothed tail. More performance and powder coating to come.
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post #7 of 15 Old 07-13-2006, 10:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xtremeroller
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.
O M G dude thats priceless nice comeback thats the best i heard here...

I refuse to tiptoe through life only to arrive safley at death
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post #8 of 15 Old 07-13-2006, 10:44 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xtremeroller
A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the
register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked
the checkout girl
if she could have some brought up to the register.
She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied
that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and
called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."

The next man
in line thought this was interesting, and like most
of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the
register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get
condoms, and
asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.
She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't
know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and
said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5."

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought
what he had seen
was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual
contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When
he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.
She asked him what size and he said he didn't know.
She asked him to
drop his pants and he did. She
reached over the counter, gave him a
quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said...
"Cleanup, Register 5"


I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
-Albert Einstein
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post #9 of 15 Old 07-14-2006, 06:12 AM
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that not in touch with the feelings thing is a classic

Once i thought more than two strokes was masturbation. Now I realise that 4 feel better, and who am I to argue with my feelings.


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post #10 of 15 Old 07-14-2006, 06:21 AM
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