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post #1 of 3 Old 10-04-2011, 02:07 PM Thread Starter
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funny read

"People on 'ludes Should Not (Ride)"
Hey, you're ripping my card!
by dean adams

Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Admittedly, it has been some time since we have had to peruse the substance abuse section of an employee manual, but the recently released 2012 DMG Roadrace rule book raised some eyebrows around the Soup virtual office.

Perhaps all banned substance sections now read like they were authored by Mr. Hand from Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Some notable behavior outlined in the manual as "reasonable suspicion":

Red or droopy eyes, dilated pupils

slurred speech

needle marks

inability to concentrate

Persistent sniffling, red or runny nose

It strikes us that any human with a severe case of allergies will exhibit four of the five "observations" outlined above that "may cause AMA Pro Racing officials to have .. reasonable suspicion".

But, wait, it gets better.

Other suspicious behaviors outlined on page 98 (B3.2):

Sudden, repeated disappearances

Time distortion, repeated tardiness or missed appointments

Frequent accidents

Inability to concentrate, remember or follow instructions

Mental confusion, paranoia or manifestation of bizarre thoughts or ideas

Violent tendencies, inability to control temper

Extreme personality changes or mood swings

Deteriorating personal hygiene or appearance as observed over time

While this entire section reads as if it was written by someone who has never worked with a professional rider in their lives, the mere mention of "Inability to concentrate, remember or follow instructions" is, as any series mechanic will attest, possibly noteworthy.

Also, any rider experimenting with matter/anti-matter, black holes, time travel or "time shifting" may want to consider that DMG may have a drug test waiting when you return from the past/future.

Riders thinking that none of this applies to them because of their teetotalism and virtuous nature may actually want to read section B3.13 which states: In addition, AMA Pro Racing may require a designated rider to submit to a urine, blood, breath and/or eye test following any incident or accident involving injury, death or property damage.

Presumably, this means that if a rider crashes and a motorcycle suffers "property damage" he or she can be drug tested afterward.


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post #2 of 3 Old 10-04-2011, 07:13 PM
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That's funny. Now if a guy is faster around the track than others, all someone needs to do is start implying the guy has red eyes and a runny nose so person must be on drugs. Said person gets banned and fastest rider is ousted.
What happened to " hey, we believe you to be using illegal narcotics..Time for a drug test" ?

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post #3 of 3 Old 10-04-2011, 09:28 PM Thread Starter
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going to be a funny season next year Who was the guy last year or year before to be a joke Johnny Rock Page He'll Narc on row 1 thru 8

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